So, here we are, at the airport, nice and early, just drop the bags head through security and that’s us in departures to chill out and relax. No !!!!!!!!! Think again, because everyone checks in online, the queues at the bag drop are just the same as the old queues were for checking in. and the kids are bored after only the first 5 minutes, then the usual moans start, “I’m hungry, I need the toilet, I am bored” etc etc etc. So that’s the first relaxing hour down, and onto security and passport control we head, again easy when you are a happy adult couple with a small item of hand luggage, you know, drop your purse, handbag, phone and sunglasses into the tray, walk through the metal detector, then pick your stuff up and into a nice bistro or bar you go, to chill out with a new book and a cold glass of prosecco, or whatever else you like to be honest. This is not the case with kids, because even before this, you must bag up all the high security risk items that you have in small bottles of 100 ml or less, the 50 electronic items that are there just to entertain the little angels, several bags of hand luggage with changes of clothes, wipes, nappies, oh yes and don’t forget the stroller that must be collapsed to go through the x-ray machine as well. Then the stress of all the people behind you moaning because the 5 of us take 10 minutes to complete this 30 second evolution is added into the equation. When this happens, just remember you are on holiday and having fun, that’s right, this is fun !!! smile, take a deep breath and enjoy. By this point you not only have about 1 ½ hours left till the flight boards, and the kids need feeding, so just hit enter and accept that the dreams of browsing boutiques and sipping ice cold vino are gone, and its straight to Boots for meal deals all round, and this will also involve several changes in choices and sandwich flavours before you queue up and seriously, do you really need to get my fight number and see my boarding pass to buy a BLT, bottle of Orangina and a KitKat Chunky !!! of course you do, because I just sneaked in here to pay 3 times the high street prices for the same food, dragging the whole family along, just for fun. Anyway, this is where we are, baggage checked, security complete, kids fed, stress levels bordering on stratospheric and no chilling out, no glass of Prosecco and no retail therapy, so that’s any hope of a new perfume and browse round the shops evaporated because the big sign now says proceed to gate. There are actually 2 options here, ignore the sign and just turn up 10 mins before the closing time (This is what I would do if there were no kids involved) and option 2 which is what actually happens, go to the holding pen with 200 other sheep who are being herded to the same flight. Remembering that once you get there, there will be insufficient seating, people fighting to get on the plane first, even though they already have their own private seat allocated, and nowhere for the kids to run around and no toilets nearby. Something else to consider here is, unless you go home, they are not going without you anytime quickly, because on that plane are all your bags and they won’t take off without you being on there with them. If you don’t get on, the plane is delayed and all the luggage unloaded so your bags can be left behind. Please watch the Safety Video, Blog continues below x Right, on this occasion the airline was pretty effective, we boarded reasonably fast, had room in the overhead lockers for all our hand luggage, and the doors were shut and we were taxying off the spot really quite efficiently. The next bit of a problem is the control of the 1 year old whilst the seatbelt signs are on. Because he has to sit on a lap with an extra restraint around him, facing forward, those stewardesses that come round and tell us this, must get so much amusement watching already worn out mums and dads trying to settle their kids during ‘Blast Off’ (my 4 year old told me planes don’t take off, they blast off and frankly there is no arguing with a 4 year old when she absolutely believes she is right).
In actual fact, although they can’t sit still for the whole flight and they make a mess with food, spill drinks and generally act like bored kids, with the exception of trying to negotiate a very messy nappy change, on the pull down shelf in the toilet fitted with baby change facilities, it is actually a surprisingly uneventful flight. Of course when they say the toilet is fitted with a baby change facility, my previous description was accurate, a pull down shelf, narrow enough that an arm of a 1 year old hangs over an edge, and luckily when cleaning and changing a baby the airline helped by making the length of the shelf so short that actually, my son had to put his feet up against the wall because he couldn’t have laid down flat if he tried. Too tall see at 1 year old. The other error that the airline made with said compact design is that all the tissues and soap and toilet roll are within that 1 year olds reach, so he can keep himself occupied by pulling it all out of the holder and throwing it around. So much fun when you are 1, I am sure. Eventually, after leaving the house some 12 hours earlier, we are at the destination and the predictable change from silence to whinging from the 12 year old will be back in no time, she has been great throughout the flight, but this is mainly because she had a seat on the other side of the aisle to the rest of us, and a bag full of electronic devices and media which enabled her to shut everything out of her bubble. Now though, it’s going to go from air conditioning to 40 degrees C the minute she walks off that plane. She is tired, grumpy and hormonal, and now also hot and bothered and about to be instructed to resume her position helping carry bags whilst generally focusing on being as sullen and unhelpful as possible. I’m hot, I’m tired, my legs hurt (this one doesn’t rub as she has been sat on her arse for the last 5 hours), I need the toilet. Good well there are no toilets till after passport and visa checks and we get to the baggage collection area, so the quicker we get going the better. Whatever you do, do not let the kids go off to the toilet, unsupervised while you get the bags, remember you have to get the transfer bus to the hotel, and as we all know, there are not as many seats on busses as there will be passengers to cram on there. The 12 year old is even more pissed off, when told that if we miss the bus because she just spent 20 minutes in the toilet, that she will be drawing out her savings when we get home to pay for the taxi to the hotel. Bring on waterworks, and stropping and general arse dragging like you have never seen before. This culminates when we get to the bus area and the rep says “Hi there and how many?” well I’m no genius, but I’m pretty sure that even she could count to 5, so when she came back to me and said sorry but only 3 seats on the coach, I felt that if I had said leave the 12 year old behind, and put the 1 year old on my lap she may have just smiled and said ok. Now at this point the 12 year old is really starting to worry, we told her a taxi would be about £100, and her world seemed like it may fall apart when the rep said, we would have to get a taxi now. It was the way the full set of emotions ran across her face, because this was all her fault for wasting all that time in the toilet. We just said to her, what an expensive pee that was and hope she enjoyed it. Obviously there was no bill to pay, as the travel company had messed up and over booked the bus. The first bonus we had, since unlike the bus full of people staying at the same hotel as us, we zoomed there in a cab, and made it in time for some late food, which conveniently closed just as the bus we would have been on, turned up. At least we now had the rest of the holiday to recover before the whole saga started again for the trip home.
3 Comments
Jojo
12/7/2016 11:08:16 pm
Haha brilliant. Man I love camping :) :) :) Even the inconvenience of assembling our own bathroomless accommodation pales into insignificance when I read this... ;) I hope you enjoyed the actual holiday!!
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Katrina
6/9/2016 01:45:59 pm
Ha! Brilliant...x
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AuthorHi, I'm Sophie. I hope you enjoy reading my blog. Please leave some comments on what you think of my blog x Archives
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