Gender Fluidity affects your health ……
Seriously, I mean this, being Gender Fluid, or Trans, or whatever other term you may choose to use to describe girls and guys like me, really does affect your health. If I am more specific, it’s the mental health side of things. Now this is a touchy subject because it shouldn’t, but it does, and although not everyone, most trans-persons that I have spoken to have suffered in some way, to greater or lesser degrees, and usually from Stress, Anxiety and Depression. Some of this is attributable the internal confusion over who and what we are, as defined by the standardised normalities of society, and some is attributable to the stresses of everyday life which are not made any easier because of the lack of either acceptance or understanding from what is still a reasonably sized percentage of people. But here’s the thing, approximately a third of all people alive suffer with mental health issues at any given time, and not many people could actually go through their whole life without being affected in some way, the extent of how this affects them is more the variable, and some have better coping strategies than others. So here is me, for the greater part of my life I struggled with why I didn’t fit the norm, why couldn’t I just be a ‘normal’ boy, why did I also want to be a girl. The fact is that I don’t want to become a girl, I don’t want or need to transition, and I am actually quite happy being me now. But my problem is that what is defined as normal by social standards, isn’t me. I have other problems with my mental health connected to by not solely caused by this, such as low self-confidence and self-esteem, because who wants to be singled out, labelled a freak, looked and laughed at? Just for being me, and the thing is, even if these things weren’t happening, I felt like they were in my head. The result of all this is that for many years I have struggled with depression and anxiety. These things are all still an issue, but I am slowly getting a handle on it, and things are improving, and the biggest help has been understanding and expressing who I am. With a huge amount of support from my amazing wife. So, if you strip away all the outer layers, I mean what defines a boy and what defines a girl? If you remove every rule, expectation and stereotype created by society. We are all just bone, flesh and blood, we are simply humans. By definition of what is a boy and what is a girl, and taking away the obvious of being physiologically different on a primal level. Once this is done, everything else is as dictated by eons of societal refinement. What we look like, how we dress, behave and present is all determined by years of refinement, separating and defining gender, by firmly driving the biggest wedge in the history of human kind right down the middle of society, so much so that at some points in recent history, trans-people were deemed to be mentally sick. If fact for those that wish to transition, male to female or the reverse, it’s not enough for them to know who they are and what they need to be themselves, they have to have somebody else, who likely understands nothing of where they are coming from to decide that they are deserving of being themselves. So, how did society’s expectations and standards affect me? Well, as a child, everyone and everything conditioned me to be something that is not completely me. I was encouraged to have male friends, forced to play male only sports, play with stereotypical male orientated toys and games, have short neatly cut hair, and wear trousers shirts and ties. I was not allowed to play dress up in girls’ clothes, have my ears pierced, grow my hair long, wear makeup or play netball. I went to Cubs and Scouts, again both were boys only back then. I think I said in a previous blog post, that once as a child, I did dress up in girls clothes and got disciplined for it. The internal confusion over who I was, the self-shame over not being normal, the lack of education I received from my schools and the poor views on equality across society all added to me believing that I was in some way mentally damaged and all it did was ensure that I kept it all shut up inside me with no real outlet or understanding of how to express myself. Really it’s a wonder I didn’t implode, but here I am today, more open than ever, although some of my closest family do not know the whole me, some things are just best left as they are. It’s odd you see, because I grew up in the 70’ and 80’s but unlike so many stars of the days, expressing themselves in ways that breached the gender divide, trying to break down barriers and demonstrating that it was ok to be different, I had parents that would never allow this. Incidentally, I do not hold them in any disregard, and I don’t love them any less, I just wish they had not been so preconditioned in their outlook, that way, I could always have just been me. Ultimately the damage was done long ago, and not intentionally by anyone, and it may never go away completely. I do still at times struggle to balance how I express and present myself, if I shut the girl side of me away, it does cause me a big problem, I have come to accept that I don’t conform and to avoid becoming depressive and withdrawn, I have to live my life as I am. In general, these days society is moving on, and the strict gender divides are slowly breaking down, I hope that one day, people will just be able to express themselves however they like without any negative perceptions or pre-judgment. I try to be open and honest with my children about everything, I want them to be able to be whoever they want to be and to not be restrained by social expectations, I don’t want them to become clones that follow the crowd, and this is tough because although times are more liberal than at any other point in my life, so much of the regimented rules of life are still taught and expected. More than ever now, life should be easier to live and just exist in whatever way we want. I hope that in what’s left of my lifetime, we see all remaining barriers broken down and every person just allowed to be themselves. Finally, thankyou for reading and I really hope you enjoy this and other posts on here. Feel free to leave comments, and if you want, add and follow me on: Facebook www.facebook.com/beingsophie Twitter www.twitter.com/sophietgirl Bloglovin www.bloglovin.com/blogs/being-sophie-17676297
37 Comments
Katrina
20/10/2016 10:14:11 am
Another good read, Sophie, and much of what you say resonates with me. In my case, I'd cope a lot better if only I could get my wife to allow me to be around her when dressed (I haven't dressed fully for two years now and it's killing me). But she won't budge and I don't feel it's fair to provoke a relationship crisis by forcing the issue and presenting however the heck I want. So I just continue to 'suck it up' with predictable mental well-being consequences.
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From another Katrina
20/10/2016 05:09:44 pm
Hi Katrina.
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Katrina
25/10/2016 02:01:01 pm
Thanks Katrina - I can't fault your logic and I agree I need to find a solution to this asap, but I think she fears that if she 'allows' my dressing it'll be a slippery slope to hormones & scalpels. We definitely need to talk more, though...
Hi Katrina (The one who posted the original comment) (the one that replied is my wife, and I don't need to post replies to her lol).
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24/10/2016 09:20:15 am
This resonates with me, though I was conditioned as a 6-16 year old to take on the female role on the family. My blog has more detaol
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Hi Penny, Your blog is great and just puts so many truths out there, showing your 1st hand experiences of how life can be affected, through both positive and negative attitudes. I have to say, I wish I had the time to write as often as you have, but with 3 kids and a fulltime job, and trying to keep both sides of me engaged in life. it doesn't leave much time for writing.
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Lucy
26/10/2016 08:12:52 am
Love your post, I have the privilege of being in a relationship with a wonderful man who is also a wonderful woman at times. Like any relationship I have to face myself and the issues that being intimate with someone may bring, when I stopped labelling those issues as the transgender part of my relationship I have come to realise that love is love and labels are not necessary. I truly stand in awe of men embracing their feminine side and believe whilst you go through a big journey understanding and embracing the whole of you, those closest who can open up enough, their minds and hearts and face the challenge of questioning much social conditioning receive a beautiful lesson too.
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Hi and thank you for your comment. I absolutely love that embrace fully the duality that you have in the relationship with your partner, and only wish that one day, everybody will think like you. I suspect it will be a long wait. But if you, I or anyone else can change a few peoples views and open their minds to the simple fact that we are all just human and how we express who we are has no bearing. Then day by day the world will become a better and more accepting place.
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