Get out and Socialise ……...
Something I regularly get asked about and something I’ve been meaning to discuss for a long time is social options and getting out as a trans person, I don’t mean sneaking out dressed under cover of darkness, I mean getting out with or without friends and/or family, maybe making new friends, you know, actually socialising and interacting with real people and getting out doing the kind of things everyone does. As most regular readers will know, but in case you are new to my blog, I am Transgender, specifically Gender fluid, but since the male side of my life is the same as for any other guy, I blog and write from my female perspective. So as someone who identifies as gender fluid, I can go out as a boy or as a girl, obviously ………. But no, that’s not what I mean, as far as this piece is concerned it is about socialising and getting on with life as a transwoman, so I am referring to socialising as my female self. Additionally, I don’t profess to understand what it’s like to go through a transition, and live full time, but it seems that many of the issues I experience in life parallel those that transsexual women face. And I have lived the whole secret life, I have done the sneaking out under dark for walks and being dressed in ways that definitely draw the wrong attention and all the rest, so if that’s you, I know where you are coming from and if you are ‘Not Out’ I know what that’s like too. All that aside, and in reality, the options are exactly the same as they would be to any other person, I can attend organised events, in this instance specifically for trans people and allies, or go out to the same places that everyone else does, doing the same things that everyone else does, as applies to everything in life, or don’t go out at all. Now, I know for some that the idea of entertaining social interaction with others, let alone being out in public, in daylight, may be difficult to fulfil, some may feel that this is simply impossible to achieve, especially if they are still ‘In the closet’. I have been there, for a significant stretch of my life I shut who I was away, dressed (Badly) in secret and constantly felt I was neither valid or normal. I used to dress and sneak out under cover of darkness for short walks. Actually, this can be quite dangerous especially if you dress like …… How did my wife describe it ?? oh yes …... An 80’s hooker !! I didn’t really understand who I was or why I felt the way I did about my gender identity. I would do this as a release, to feel like I was really me for a short while, then kick myself to the gutter feeling like I was some kind of freak, especially since that was how transmen and women were portrayed by so many people. I was too scared to tell anyone, I didn’t know how to tell anyone, so I had no one to talk to about this with, or to share with as friends or to get help with looking passable to go out with. Then there is the fear of attack, and ridicule just for being trans, I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve got to the door and anxiety seriously gets the better of you, then you turn around, look in the mirror convince your-self there’s something wrong with you have a mini breakdown over it, and it just doesn’t happen. So, back to what the potential options are ?? Well, for those who have the confidence to just go out and do whatever they feel like in life, you know, just the same stuff that every cis person takes for granted, then your options are unlimited, for the rest, then here are some ideas: Option 1 is the ‘Organised and Private’ event, and there are many of these going on every week of the year all over the country. They are extremely popular, as they are a totally safe haven for closeted (As in Not Out) trans people, and those who are out as well. Allowing us to be able to dress and explore our gender identity, and to do this without fear of ridicule or persecution, alongside others who understand, and will show solidarity, support and advice. These are usually well organised, regular, secure and generally friendly events providing that safe environment in which to meet others. Many will use private venues (Some of these also offer changing facilities) and some are meets at LGBT friendly pubs or bars. They can be for a few hours on a weekday evening through to full on weekend where a whole hotel has been booked out, right up to national events attended by huge numbers of people. Most likely if you are venturing out to explore your identity more or you are simply not out to the world, then its likely that the local evening event is a great place to start and build a supportive friend base and social network. The only difficulty with these, is finding them if you are not already aware of them. The best way to do this is through social media platforms where you can join groups of likeminded people, and a quick search of key words will bring up scores of pages for you to join. Option 2 is to get out there and find your local LGBT friendly venues, these will be generally inclusive venues such as Gay Bars and Clubs, and will always welcome Trans customers just the same as anyone else. This is also a pretty safe option with the difference being that there will not be any facilities to change in and they will usually be around town or city centres so unless you have got the confidence already to just go out and about, these may not suit you if you are on your own. If you are lucky enough to live in or near a larger city, there may even be a run of inclusive clubs and bars. That said, there is no reason why you cant go out as yourself in drab (A term used by trans people when they are dressed in the manner associated with their gender assigned at birth) and talk to other trans customers who may be in there, it’s a great way so assess the social scene and a way to meet people and discuss how they dealt with being out. They may also know of more organised events as I mentioned above, and point you in the right direction for making new contacts and groups to join. Most Trans people are really friendly and will happily chat, and will always have lots of stories to tell of their own experiences. Whichever of these options you choose, you will undoubtedly have a fun night and find people happy to chat to you and make new friends who are either other trans people or allies who won’t judge you. Both of these options will suit some, and won’t suit others, but they are both a good way to build confidence and explore your own style and identity better, they are also a great stepping stone from a certain perspective to building confidence enough to just be out. The big plus to all this whole being out and socialising is it helps build self confidence which allows being yourself in more general situations, however, irrespective of initial confidence, this is where many people become much more self-conscious and feel more exposed. So, for my Option 3, I am talking about being out day or night and in normal everyday situations. Out with any friends, family or on your own, going to restaurants and bars, doing a spot of shopping, and all that kind of thing. This really is the best of the options in my opinion as it is unrestrictive in where you go or when. The flip side is that for many, they will never see this as an option, and for many of them it will be because they don’t feel confident enough and don’t have a strong and supportive enough network of allies. It took me a very long time to build my confidence up enough to do this and you should be warned that if there is going to be anytime when you are more likely to be singled out, misgendered, or worse mistreated in some way, then this is when it will happen. Now I am not saying it will happen, simply that its more likely. There are very few, if any trans people out there that have not suffered in this way at some or many points in their lives. The key to surviving this unwanted behaviour is knowing in advance how you will handle the situation if it should happen and how to react appropriately to it. Much of how you will deal with this is down to your own self confidence and your personality. The only advice I can give is don’t create a scene, as it will just draw more attention to you, consider your actions and remember that in any shop, bar or restaurant or on public transport or even just out in the street, you are protected as any other person is by law and you have the absolute right to exist and present in any way you feel appropriate without fear of attack or ridicule in any way. Now, if you are trans (Not out yet), please don’t let any of that put you off, and if you are not a trans person and you see someone being mistreated, show some solidarity and support, remember how far this person has come and what they have had to overcome, just to be out for a meal, or doing a bit of shopping. We are all just people after all. For me, I know I am lucky, my network is amazing, don’t get me wrong, there are people in my life that I have not and at this time will not discuss my gender status with. In my opinion, it’s just not worth the risk of relationships breaking down with some who really matter to me and my family, but I have such a wide range of friends and allies who all know about the whole me, and the biggest support I get is just this, its given me the boost to have shopping days with my teen daughter, go out for a family Christmas dinner, attend fundraising events, a posh ball, girls nights out, a friends 40th birthday bash, New Year Parties, I even had a Hag (Combined Hen/Stag Night) before my wedding …… the list goes on …… I’m also off to a 50th birthday bash this weekend, but this is a far cry from the person I was, who was too scared to talk and too scared to be myself. So, if you are trans and new to facing who you are, or have always been afraid, I hope that sometime you can experience the life you deserve to without fear, and I urge everyone else to be an ally, show respect and support and help trans people to just be themselves. Finally, all that’s left from me is to say thanks so much for reading, I really hoped that you enjoyed this post, it’s a little different and maybe you discovered something new or maybe you didn’t, either way, please check out my other blogs in the archives. Love and hugs Sophie xx If you would like to see more and follow me I can be found and followed at the sites below: Facebook www.facebook.com/beingsophie Twitter www.twitter.com/sophietgirl Bloglovin www.bloglovin.com/blogs/being-sophie-17676297
2 Comments
|
AuthorHi, I'm Sophie. I hope you enjoy reading my blog. Please leave some comments on what you think of my blog x Archives
March 2022
Categories
All
|